Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
