Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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