apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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