life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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