I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a beard to bite.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
