The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
