Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
