I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
