I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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