So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
