and you said cock pushups were impossible
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize