Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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