By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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