Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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