ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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