Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
