what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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