i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
