East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
