therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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