Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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