im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
