girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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