You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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