I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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