Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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