1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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