We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
