He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're too hungover to prance.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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