The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
