bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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