I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
