dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
