dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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