Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
