i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
