For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
