did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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