If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize