that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
