We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You ruined the universe
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
