As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
