i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
