1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
