Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize