I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
COCAINE IS GR8
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
