you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize