I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
