Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
