he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize