everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
