Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
