First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
