is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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