So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I look better un-naked...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
