my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
