My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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