I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
