Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
