I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
