Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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