maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
