ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
