you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
