if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
