if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
