Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
