he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
