You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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