I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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