maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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