im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will be naked everywhere
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
