she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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