I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
