literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
