I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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