He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How naked do you want me to be?
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