my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who died my cat blue again?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
