hotel room ftw
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
