shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
