Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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