took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize