i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
