I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
