Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
