i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
