You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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