And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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