I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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