why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
