i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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