i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
