what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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