dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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