Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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