You're my little dorito
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He did a backflip because drugs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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