So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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