I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
