I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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