I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
