Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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