You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
