Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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