If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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