u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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