This is the prime rib incident all over again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
