So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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