I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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