they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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