Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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