You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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