If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
third nipple confirmed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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