i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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