So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
