After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize