matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
