I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
