Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bring money and cleavage
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
