Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
