he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
