Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize